Home Movies
by Marliarna
Summary: Emmett faces the "Wrath of Rose" when she uncovers his secret stash. Sequel to Magic: The Birthday Present" ***ON HIATUS***
1. Prologue

_"Oh, Emmett---" I called, sweetly. "Before you place that order for a new Steinway concert grand, remember that if Edward gets one whisper—no, not even that—a lip-synch-- of what I've planned for his birthday—**you're** the one who's going to be extra crispy."_

_"You wouldn't." he scoffed._

_"Wouldn't I? No,** I ** wouldn't. That's Rose's department."_

_He remained unimpressed._

_"Debbie Does Dallas." I reminded him in the barest of whispers---and then I ran for it. Out of the house, over the river and halfway to Hoquiam...._

_It's a good thing I'm still a newborn. He never caught me._

**_Bella to Emmett--From "Magic: The Birthday Present"_**

*****************

There was no help for it, they were just going to have to rebuild, Rosalie thought as she cleared away the rubble of the room that until last night, had been the bedroom she shared with Emmett. Just as well, she was getting bored with the surroundings.

She found the black metal box tucked between the slabs of drywall. Once opened, it contained a number of slim black cases. DVDs.

She read the titles on this discs inside. "Behind the Green Door." "The Opening of Misty Beethoven." "I Am Curious (Yellow)."

So am I, she mused as she put the DVD in the still working player.

Two seconds later, the room was filled with the acrid stench of burning electronics and her shriek filled the entire house.

"EMMETT McCARTY CULLEN! GET --UP--- HERE! NOW!"

Emmett did as he was told and raced up the stairs, Jasper and Alice on his heels.

Edward winced at the mental--and vocal--volume. "Best get Renesmee out of here," he muttered to Bella. "Before she learns a whole new vocabulary..."


	2. The Wrath of Rose

"They're not mine." Emmett protested. "I bought them for Edward." he added, as he dodged the Tiffany Lotus lamp Rosalie hurled in his direction.

"No, you didn't!" BANG. The lamp smashed against the wall in a spray of vintage stained glass.

"Baby, I did." CRUNCH went the Presidential MP3 player. "For his bachelor party!"

"Then why--" she demanded as she shredded his favorite, custom-made, Earnest Sewn jeans-- "are they here?"

"He didn't want 'em. You shoulda seen him." he said, chuckling at the memory despite the wholesale destruction going on around him. "First his eyes bugged out, then he shook himself and went all Mr. Spock on us. Raised an eyebrow and said, "I can't help hearing you and Rose when you two go at it, but **I** don't think sex is, or should be, a spectator sport. Turn it off.' And Jazz backed him."

"He didn't want them. But you did!"

"Thought I'd take a look." Emmett muttered. "They didn't have this back in '35."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Trust me, honey-- they didn't." he said fervently.

"But you kept them!" she wailed.

"For inspiration!"

"You don't NEED inspiration, Em-- you have ME."

"It's just for fun..." he protested.

"Get rid of them."

"C'mon, Rose!"

"I mean it."

"They're not hurting anything."

"I don't want to be in the same room with them." she hissed.

"Don't you think you're getting a bit carried away?"

"Get rid of them, Em. Or else."

"Or else … what?"

"This." She walked over to the display cabinet where Emmett kept his collection of sports memorabilia and picked up a baseball.

"Rose, please-- that's not just any baseball..." he said, horrified.

"The Bonds one, right?" She said sweetly. "The one he hit in '06? " She caressed it. "The one that broke Hank Aaron's career home run record?"

"Yes."

"You know, I've always wondered what's inside a baseball." she said innocently, eyeing the relic as if it were a succulent orange, and slowly brought it to her lips......

On the whole, Emmett wasn't afraid of anything, up to and especially including grizzly bears. But the sight of Rose's luscious mouth coming closer and closer to one of his most prized possessions, the way her lips pulled tantalizingly back from her razor sharp teeth as they hovered with surgical precision over the venerable –autographed---cowhide......

Emmett caved.


	3. A Cullen Plan: Emmett Strikes Back

"It's bad," Emmett said a week later. "Seventy years I've been with her and this week has been—hands down- the longest one of my existence so far. Haven't gone so long without-"

Edward grimaced. Emmett's reminiscences left no doubt as to what he missed and nothing to the imagination "TMI, Em," he said under his breath. But not far enough. Emmett heard him anyway.

"Yeah. Well. Right. Should've known better than to ask for sympathy from the 110-year-old virgin." he muttered morosely and turned to leave. Edward let out a low hiss.

"Hey." Bella said, touching each of them on the arm.

"I'm not the one behaving like an irritated grizzly," Edward protested.

"And it looks like I'm not the only one who needs a good-"

Fortunately for Emmett, Alice chose precisely that moment to walk in the door.

"Hobby," she said, finishing his sentence for him.

"Already got one," he scoffed.

"I hear Peninsula Community College is offering courses in yoga and anger management this term,"

Bella said sweetly,

"Well I've got a new one and I can use your help." Alice said. "Set design."

"And this involves me—how?" Emmett asked.

"Oh, for the love of-" Bella muttered,:"he's channelling Rosalie, now."

"Alice—have I told you lately that you're my very favorite sister?" Edward chimed in.

"Have I told you lately that you're a genius?" she countered.

"Okay, okay! Hate to break up the mutual admiration society here, but we're not all psychics or mind-readers in this bunch. What does your latest craze have to do with me?"

"Well, this whole thing started with the movies you bought for my bachelor party-" Edward reminded him.

"And you know how Rose needs to be the center of attention." Alice and Bella said together.

"Yeah. She didn't believe me when I said I was using them for-" Comprehension dawned, and the expression on Emmett's face went from morose to wondering to evil glee in less than zero to sixty.

"Yessss!" Emmett exclaimed, grabbing Alice up and swinging her around and around. "And have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Movie making?" Bella asked.

"Yeah." Emmett said. "And I get to direct!"

Getting the recording equipment was easy. Alice purchased the cameras from a company specializing in cutting-edge surveillance equipment, all of which were visually unremarkable, hidden as they were in everyday objects—clocks, lamps, artwork, picture frames.

Getting Rose to kiss and make up was harder. She didn't go out of her way to avoid him, exactly; she simply wasn't there. The rebuilding of the bedroom had fired Rosalie's thirst for a new house and she was frequently away with Esme, planning and building.

Emmett drafted an additional set of plans—labeled "Surprise for Rose"- and tucked them in with the ones for the house project. That was a start, but he wanted to do something more.

Inspiration struck as he searched through the DVD library for a movie to watch.

_More movies in this house than Netflix, and more than half of them are romances. Sheesh. What's wrong with a little "Die Hard?" _

_Oh- _

_Yippie-kai-yay-_


	4. Tomorrow

The large white box on the bed drew Rosalie's attention at once. There was a note attached.

**Put this on and meet me at the foot of the stairs in two minutes. Em.**

Inside the box was a deep red velvet robe with a wide black sash and a white nightdress with ruffles on the collar and sleeves. It was the sort of thing that would have been fashionable during Jasper's human lifetime. There was also a shoulder length black wig.

Oh, what the heck, she decided as she put it on and surveyed her reflection with satisfaction. Hm. Vivien Leigh.. But I'm more beautiful, she thought as she went downstairs to meet Emmett.

She was still waiting at the bottom of the staircase when he emerged from the hallway to the left, dressed exactly like Rhett Butler, but far more handsome than Clark Gable could ever be.

"This is one night you're not turning me out," he quoted as he approached. Before she could respond or react, his lips came down on hers in a passionate kiss that left no room for thought, and he swept her into his arms and up the grand staircase.

When conscious thought returned, she wondered if she should still be angry with him.

She'd think about it tomorrow.


	5. Paris

_Several days later, Rosalie found another box on the bed. This one contained a trenchcoat and a replica of an outfit worn by Ingrid Bergman.__  
__**  
**_**Put this on and meet me at the Port Angeles Airport. A plane is waiting. -Em.**

When Rosalie arrived, the tiny airport was so shrouded with fog that only vampire sight would have been able to make out the black van parked away from the vintage airplane that sat on the runway, its propellers whirling.

As instructed, Rosalie went to the steps of the plane as if to get in, and waited.

Emmett appeared out of the fog, also dressed in a trench coat."If you don't get on that plane now and go after him, you'll regret it." he said.  
"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life... We'll always have Paris."  
Rosalie descended the stairs, slowly.  
She dropped her own trenchcoat—the only thing she had been wearing.Emmett's eyes opened wide in surprise and delight... I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," he murmured, as they sank together to the asphalt.

You're not the only one who can deviate from the script, she thought, smiling to herself.

"If I have you, I don't need Paris." she replied.

"


End file.
